we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
