Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
