I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
