The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
