i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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