She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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