i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
