my room smells like sperm. sweet.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
