So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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