I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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