Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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