Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
