Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
