ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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