It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
