dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
please come you make the beer taste better
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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