$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
sick fucks of a feather flock together
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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