Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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