You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
