hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
