If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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