Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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