Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
