Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
