Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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