Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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