remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
