Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
