I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
