You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
