Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
