that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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