last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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