I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
