They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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