my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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