So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
