So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
