Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A+ Viking dick
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
