Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
