you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just pee around me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
