Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
