who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
