I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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