guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
