i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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