i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
