Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
