she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
