I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
