is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
