When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
