So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
