I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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