My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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