I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
