she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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